How MY world looks right now.....

I have been struggling so much the last 2 months because I've had to incorporate gluten in my diet. In order to have an accurate Celiac Disease test I have to have gluten in my diet for 4-6 weeks. I've been gluten free for approx. 2 years so I have to have it in my diet for the accurate test. I need to know for sure if it's Celiac Disease or Non- Celiac Gluten Sensitivity (NCGS). If it's not one I know it's the other and either way after this test I'll have to avoid it. If it is Celiac my kids will need to be tested (it's genetic), I may not be absorbing nutrients, my gut could be so damaged and that is maybe why I have leaky gut/other food sensitivities. It's a Disease. So, there are many other complications that go along with it. While incorporating gluten back in, everything else that I have been avoiding comes back in.. dairy, sugar...soy, so many other things. Most of the foods with gluten have those things....most, but not all. But, since I feel pretty crappy anyway. While I can eat gluten, in my mind I'm saying I might as well enjoy the cookies, cakes, breads....all things that I miss. This is my last chance! That's what I'm saying in my mind. No matter how horrible it makes me feel, no matter how fatigue, how my brain won't work, how my body aches all the way down to my bones every. single. day of this journey....for that small second it tastes kind of good. And since I have to....I enjoy that small second of it. After that all hell breaks lose and I'm sick...sick for days. I may seem normal on the outside, but I'm slowly dying inside. I'm a complete bummer to my family and kids right now as I have no energy for anything!

Along with all this I also got back the results to my food sensitivity test. So, it just confirms to me some things I've known for a while and also confirms why I'm feeling so horrible during these last 2 months of including all these things back into my diet. I literally can't get out of bed. I want to exercise and I just can't even imagine my body working like that, it's so hard. I can't sleep at night, I can't breathe well, I can't think clearly at all, it takes me so long to think of regular words that I'm trying to say, brain fog anyone?! My stomache hurts, my head hurts, my whole body hurts, I'm retaining water, my whole body feels swollen, I'm depressed. I don't want to eat anymore, but I do for the accurate test, I don't have energy for anything.

Along with all that I have to have a mammogram/ultrasound because of a lump found by me and comfirmed by my doctor. I've just been keeping this all in and I guess today I just had to write it all out because I'm so exhausted and tired of the stress, tired of not feeling well. Writing it all out helps in some way, to relieve alot of what's been going on in my mind. I'm hoping this isn't anything big, I'm hoping it's all good. That its not as bad as it could be, that everything will be ok. It just adds to the stress pile of something else going on with my crazy body right now.

The Results of the Food Sensitivity blood test:

Severe reactions
*Cane Sugar- in everything and other sugars and foods that are derived from cane sugar. This makes complete sense to me as I know how my body has never processed sugar well, even as a kid. That's why I've been avoiding it, it makes me feel completely sick. Not a good thing to be consuming anyway. Now I know there are other things I have to be aware of. Sugar is in everything!
*Carrots- hmmm...no wonder why I've been getting sick worse after snacking on baby carrots. I've avoided them the last couple months because of that reaction. I'm beginning to know my body pretty well. Awesome having this confirmation.
*Cantaloupe- I had no idea. I haven't had cantaloupe in a long time.
*Casein (dairy protein)- another one that doesn't surprise me. Severe severe reactions to dairy. Glad to have it confirmed.

Moderate reactions
*Peanuts- good thing I've been avoiding them.
*Oregano- I had no idea, it's hard to narrow down this type of thing

Mild reactions
*Whey (dairy protein)- so it's not just the casein which makes up 80% of dairy products, it's also the whey. No wonder. Makes complete sense in the ways I have struggled with dairy my whole life.
*Gluten- very interesting. Sugar is in a lot of gluten products, yeast is in a lot of gluten products. Is it a combination of the yeast, the sugar and the gluten or is it because I have Celiac Disease. It will be good to finally know. Either way, I have to avoid it.
*Brewers Yeast- Anything fermented like soy, in a lot of breads, anything with vinegar, in a lot of b-vitamins, probiotics, etc.
*Fructose/High Fructose Corn Syrup- another thing that's in everything and really not a good thing to be eating anyway. Luckily I already have been avoiding it (besides these last 2 crazy months)
*Grapefruit- I had no idea....I don't eat it everyday, but I love it!
*Cabbage- I could care less..haha, but it is good to know as it's usually mixed in other greens.
*Lime- :( I love lime....it's a sad, sad, day.

I feel soooo thankful to know alot of these things. It's been a hard hard road trying to figure out on my own. Although, it's awesome to have a lot of them confirmed to me and that I was doing the right thing for my body. It also confirms to me why I've been feeling that much worse the last 2 months because I've been having a combination of all these things that are doing so much harm to my body. And I still have 5 more days of damaging myself for this stupid but important Celiac test! It's a struggle for sure. It literally make me not want to eat anything becuse I feel soooo crappy already and every bite I take I'm just adding fuel to the fire. I'm doing it, knowing very well what it's doing to me. But, also knowing how bad I want an accurate test for just 1 more answer in the fight of my life. Hmmmm...no wonder my body has been so stressed out and my adrenal glands have been put through the ringer. Hopefully this is just one last step in finally knowing how I can start to feel better! Because I'm soooo ready for that!! I'm in a whirlwind right now and I just want my life back!
So many people struggle in so many different ways so I feel bad complaining about mine. But, it really is a struggle that numbs me so much. I cry, I'm depressed, I don't feel well, I can't just get up and do the things I want to do so bad! I'm allowed to be mad and stressed and cry. And I'm allowed to get it all out there so others know they are not alone in their struggles. Because I know the support and the examples of others who also struggle have surely helped me too.

Next up:
Celiac Test
Mammogram/ultrasound

I guess we will see where I have to go from there.....the results could take me a million different directions. So, I wait, still....not so patiently!